Lost

Feeling lost in my soul,

Not knowing which way to go.

Where the time is ticking slow.

Who to turn to, I don’t know?

Swirls of emotions filling up.

Over filling my body, like a cup.

Wanting to be set free from the failure I feel.

Hoping and praying that the problems in my life, aren’t real.

Unfortunately, they are.

Is the solutions end, so far?

How much emotions and love are surrounded by me?

Not too many as far as I can see.

I feel sad, for most of the day.

A fake smile, doesn’t always pay.

Putting aside how I truly feel.

Makes me feel fake, not real.

I do it to feel human.

I do it to feel sane.

I do it, so my life isn’t filled with the ache of infinite pain.

Thoughts on the Headlines

Every time I go into the site to sign into my email, I see all the latest headlines. I always end up looking at them and before I know it I am scrolling down the list and reading various news stories. Unfortunately, there are always bad ones that always seem to include a child’s death. It makes me sick to see what some people do to children. I understand that it happens, but I cannot fathom the reasoning behind a mother helping her boyfriend, rape and murder her 3-year old daughter! There was no love for that sweet child and the other children I read about with the mother or mother’s boyfriend killing a child. If someone does not want a child, then drop them off at the police station, a hospital. Why let a child suffer because someone doesn’t want the responsibility to raise one? There are so many people that will take care of, love and treat that child like it should be. If drugs or a boyfriend are more important to them than a child, then consider giving up that child to families that will put that child first.

Raising a child is a big responsibility that needs not only just love, but patience, understanding, guidance, and even sacrifice on the parent’s part. Also, the necessities that people need in life; shelter, food, clothes, health, hygiene, plus extras. Raising two kids as a single mom is tough, but I made it work. A lot of sacrifice on my part with not being able to buy new clothes for myself, skipped meals, sleeping in the living room of our 2-bedroom apartment. To me, it is all worth it! That is what a parent should feel they need to do. Not harm them or be a part of harming them. I still cannot even begin to understand how anyone would want to molest, rape, or kill their own child. Something that grew inside yourself. Something that was a part of you for almost a year. Feeling a baby kick for the first time was such a tremendous experience! Knowing that there is life inside of you and it is growing. That was when I knew I really was a mother and I was ready to make sure nothing happens to my children.

I will protect my children with my life and would never let anything happen to them. When something does happen to your children and you are helpless to have stopped it, the blame is overwhelming. The guilt of what if or why didn’t I do this? The anger of not being able to do anything about it, is lonely. You feel that no one could really understand, unless it happened to them. What it does to a child and the helplessness in not being able to just simply, “kiss the boo boo,” to make everything better. Support, understanding, guidance and a lot of love will help both parent and child.

I just been thinking about this for a while, because of how many headlines I see. It makes me so angry and sad. I now just jump right to my email because I hate that I can’t do anything about it.

Thanks for listening, (reading!)

Heartache

When concentration begets focus,

As you are trying to think.

What went wrong?

Where’s the link?

Frustration turns to anger,

and love lost does to a stranger.

Clear and undeniable tears,

Have wept themselves for years.

When enough, is not there and, “we’re over,” disappears.

Heartache remains.

Tied to yourself with chains.

Out of your soul, love drains,

As the summer storm rains.

Recovery is hiding silently,

Waiting in the back,

Watching and listening for a heartbeat,

To bring a life, back on track.

Lisa Ellison

Life and Memory

 Wish I would have paid attention,

And enjoy, in my life, the blessing,

Of knowing more from your heart.

The day, I knew, when it broke apart.

The laughter, the tears.

The memories, the fears.

We walk around as if run by gears.

Slowly they rust,

And eventually, turned to dust.

To survive we must.

In people, we need to trust.

When it’s our turn for our soul to rest,

I hope in life, you did your best.

The people that get left behind,

Will be the ones that have you on their mind.

The empty space of where you used to be,

Can’t ever be replaced.

Not by him or by me.

Lisa Ellison

August 31, 2013

Grandma

Life is unfair in so many ways,

I sit here with my mind, all in a daze.

Thinking of you and wishing you were here,

To give me that smile, and bring me some cheer.

Whenever I saw you, you were happy with delight,

You made me feel like things will be alright.

You welcomed me and mine with open arms, held tight.

Without that warm smile, this world doesn’t seem right.

The love you had for your family was quite clear.

You wore a big smile whenever we were near.

The tears of missing you were mixed with happy tears.

You were surrounded by a loving family for so many years.

The happy times, the memories that made you smile.

The way your eyes would light up when we could visit for a while.

I won’t say good bye, I will say, “see you real soon.”

When the stars align and our souls are in tune.

I love you forever and nobody can fill this empty space.

I miss you so much, but I know you are in a good place.

Lisa Ellison

8/15/2015

Only Light

October rain hits gently against the darkened window night,

As the fire burning crackles and holds the only light.

A projected shadow looms, dancing wildly on the wall,

There, sat a single figure looking so meek and small.

A blank stare is held, without much of moving lash,

Tears ran fluidly, as is if there were an infinite stash.

Unsteady hands hold a picture tightly, with a longing to see,

Because of unfortunate events, that will never be.

A weak hopeful prayer whispered numbly, from dry lips,

Praying the pain away that is covering them, like a total eclipse.

Lisa Ellison

Written: 6/19/2016

First blog post

Hello all and welcome to my first blog post! My name is Lisa and I am an inspiring writer that would like to share some of my work with the world. I feel that having my stories and poems sitting in a notebook or on a computer is not going to do me any good. I am going to post some poetry and short stories to start off. I hope you enjoy reading them, as I do, writing them!

Lisa Ellison